My Replay 25' Playlist
Observe...
Since I'm stuck in the endless threadmill until december with the course adn it has been at this point almost 8ish months since I started going to the training I can't help but to eventually observe the people around me.
Since the commuting is so miserable for me every day, I have to waste 5 hours of my life dealing with it, and considering the 4G networks are busted because there way too many people, I have a lot of time to observe, observe the people around me.
Beyond the usual negros, indians, and sand people that are pretty much like lifeless goys that are just there and are aggresive if you are around for too long near them.
I noticed many kinds of behaviors people have
I see people running with fear in their faces, people wearing the masks like psycopaths like its still 2020, I see people with very angry and aggresive faces like they are about to punch you to death.
I don't really see relaxed people or happy people and I totally understand because commuting is very miserable for everone including myself I personally don't have a happy go lucky face either riding that shit.
But still and related to the previous post, I feellike everyone are in a total different frequency than mine... I feel like an outsider to everything I even feel like I'm a ghost like I got detached from our current reality and i'm in spectator mode looking at people around.
I think this is related to what alphas call the liminal spaces, like i'm still running a loop of sorts and i'm hopelessly expecting to change something everyday or expecting a reaction from people around me.
But no is like looping around a silent temple, a silent hallway that never ends...
you feel totally dismissed....
The more time pass the more dismissed I feel anywhere I go...
It's scary... because what this leads is to you little by little losing your humanity or your touch with reality (which is not 100% sure to begin with either) or seeing other humans as non-human beings, see them rather like ants or abstract elements in the background.....
Noise? like noise....
And as I mentioned in the previous post, it's something I have to continue (and I continue researching and studying about, but it's idfficult, but I need to continue enduring, I need to understand it) understanding and coming to terms that my life because of the way I see it and act is and will be very very lonely and will continue get worse.
So the better I spiritually and mentally prepare the better because also being around people that makes you feel dead is like wanting to drink water because you are very thirsty and parched and all you have is access to sea water and you gonna drink this sea water knowing very well is gonna destroy your kidneys and you will most likely die like an idiot.
So better let's do our best to ignore the sea water... and dont let the noise bother you ...
Since the commuting is so miserable for me every day, I have to waste 5 hours of my life dealing with it, and considering the 4G networks are busted because there way too many people, I have a lot of time to observe, observe the people around me.
Beyond the usual negros, indians, and sand people that are pretty much like lifeless goys that are just there and are aggresive if you are around for too long near them.
I noticed many kinds of behaviors people have
I see people running with fear in their faces, people wearing the masks like psycopaths like its still 2020, I see people with very angry and aggresive faces like they are about to punch you to death.
I don't really see relaxed people or happy people and I totally understand because commuting is very miserable for everone including myself I personally don't have a happy go lucky face either riding that shit.
But still and related to the previous post, I feellike everyone are in a total different frequency than mine... I feel like an outsider to everything I even feel like I'm a ghost like I got detached from our current reality and i'm in spectator mode looking at people around.
I think this is related to what alphas call the liminal spaces, like i'm still running a loop of sorts and i'm hopelessly expecting to change something everyday or expecting a reaction from people around me.
But no is like looping around a silent temple, a silent hallway that never ends...
you feel totally dismissed....
The more time pass the more dismissed I feel anywhere I go...
It's scary... because what this leads is to you little by little losing your humanity or your touch with reality (which is not 100% sure to begin with either) or seeing other humans as non-human beings, see them rather like ants or abstract elements in the background.....
Noise? like noise....
And as I mentioned in the previous post, it's something I have to continue (and I continue researching and studying about, but it's idfficult, but I need to continue enduring, I need to understand it) understanding and coming to terms that my life because of the way I see it and act is and will be very very lonely and will continue get worse.
So the better I spiritually and mentally prepare the better because also being around people that makes you feel dead is like wanting to drink water because you are very thirsty and parched and all you have is access to sea water and you gonna drink this sea water knowing very well is gonna destroy your kidneys and you will most likely die like an idiot.
So better let's do our best to ignore the sea water... and dont let the noise bother you ...
Why bother CAT?
Yes CAT why bother? why bother in convincing people of quality/better ways to do stuff?
Because I can't shut up and that's actually my fucking problem I always have when I see something that grinds my gears I need to say something
Yes CAT and thats why everyone hates you!!
So what?, it's something I have to live with and I come up in terms with it
I've been trying to write this paragraph 3 times already and 3 times I got pissed off I had to delete everything before posting it because I cannot find a proper way in the tangled brain I have how to express via words how.......hopeless? pathetic?...mediocre even? everyone has become
Maybe is because since I'm at this point i'm already beyond defeated and a hikikkomori of sorts that im feeling tired of everything, but despite being and feeling tired and without energy seeing people fall for all sorts of stupid shit like flies it really grinds my gears to the point I cannot stay silent and I REALLY should stay silent but I CANNOT..
I notice it in gaming discords with 'game designers' showcasing a bunch of crap that nobody cares about, and circlejerking about it and the saddest thing of all is that nobody is playing games anymore either.
I notice in real life with the people totally cooked and wanting to have "OH YES DADDY GOVERNMENT HURT ME PLENTY!!!" attitude to everything and defending it. Such as for example everyone wanting more and more socialism and rooting for everyone to become as miserable/impoverished as them.
Then I notice Self sabotage acts everywhere that can even be inside your family and you have no choice but to stare like an idiot spectator powerless of how destrutive people are (with themselves and others) by falling into the same psyops and macabre games powered by the mass media.
So Why BOTHER CAT?!? You aren't very smart to begin with and nobody believes or wants to be with you anyways??
Yeah and that's why I need to continue learning to stop giving the attention to situations like this that bothers me from inside, they are totally and absolutely out of my reach and control.
But easier said than done i dont know why still.... I have a lot to continue learning...
Because I can't shut up and that's actually my fucking problem I always have when I see something that grinds my gears I need to say something
Yes CAT and thats why everyone hates you!!
So what?, it's something I have to live with and I come up in terms with it
I've been trying to write this paragraph 3 times already and 3 times I got pissed off I had to delete everything before posting it because I cannot find a proper way in the tangled brain I have how to express via words how.......hopeless? pathetic?...mediocre even? everyone has become
Maybe is because since I'm at this point i'm already beyond defeated and a hikikkomori of sorts that im feeling tired of everything, but despite being and feeling tired and without energy seeing people fall for all sorts of stupid shit like flies it really grinds my gears to the point I cannot stay silent and I REALLY should stay silent but I CANNOT..
I notice it in gaming discords with 'game designers' showcasing a bunch of crap that nobody cares about, and circlejerking about it and the saddest thing of all is that nobody is playing games anymore either.
I notice in real life with the people totally cooked and wanting to have "OH YES DADDY GOVERNMENT HURT ME PLENTY!!!" attitude to everything and defending it. Such as for example everyone wanting more and more socialism and rooting for everyone to become as miserable/impoverished as them.
Then I notice Self sabotage acts everywhere that can even be inside your family and you have no choice but to stare like an idiot spectator powerless of how destrutive people are (with themselves and others) by falling into the same psyops and macabre games powered by the mass media.
So Why BOTHER CAT?!? You aren't very smart to begin with and nobody believes or wants to be with you anyways??
Yeah and that's why I need to continue learning to stop giving the attention to situations like this that bothers me from inside, they are totally and absolutely out of my reach and control.
But easier said than done i dont know why still.... I have a lot to continue learning...
Scrapbook #10
Why? Why this Torture everywhere!??!
CAT YOU ARE GETTING FAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CAT YOU ARE GETTING FAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Scrapbook #9
Whatever happens, don't lose hope CAT...remember you must stay alive to see it happen in 5 years ....
